Lancia Motor Club

Over the years I've come across some amazing 'bodge jobs', quick and dirty deeds done cheap, instead of fixing it properly.

Whenever I do, I say, "What the .... were they thinking?"

I hope that many of you will add your experiences to this thread, my most recent being on removing my Appia coupe's engine and gearbox to discover the rubber joint on the gearlinkage held together by a jubilee clamp.  ::)

A case of anything is better than nothing if it keeps you on the road?

Brian
8227 8)

Any idea what the gear change was like?

David

Strangely enough, it felt as nice, precise, and notchy as a Ferrari's with one of those little gearchange gates!  :)

Here's another horror story from our saved Montecarlo 2 series.

A previous owner needed some welding repairs to the custom branch exhaust, and removing it must have seemed too difficult.  So they simply cut a hole 300 mm x 180 mm in the bodywork with an angle grinder.  :o  The welding repair looked like a a pile of guano from bird island too.

Afterwards the whole iniquity was covered by an aluminium plate pop rivetted over the hole!

I actually like these things.

That gearchange seems to have worked well and lasted so "hats off" to whoever managed to get all the bits togeather and keep them that way.

With the Monte the structural integrity of the panel was retained by welding and because it looked a mess a neat little cover went over the top - it could have been only the plate and rivets or just leave the hole.  Someone was up against it and did the best they could, and if paid by the hour I expect a lot more than they really should.  How much longer does it take to make a repair disappear?  How long would it have taken for engine in and out?  If the customer didn't have the budget what would have happened to that car?

I'm remembering the Peter Ward attitude "if you can't afford to look after it properly (his properly) then you shouldn't have the car at all" compared with Barry Waterhouse who'd ponder and do his level best to help keep people keep their cars on the road.

With my everyday car I've given up the five year struggle to make the sunroof reliable and weather proof.  Its now gooped up.  Should I have sold the car to someone willing to pay to have the work done properly?  The scrap yard was a more likely destiny for it.  However we are going to treat it to new front wings and rear arch lips costing more than the book value of the car.

So keep them coming - I'm enjoying these!!

David   

Dear David,I'm glad you're enjoying this!  

Here's a picture of the 'neat little cover'.  Note sacking material - an attempt to provide thermal shielding which failed dismally (they also cut through the factory heat shield, while they were at it), so the exhaust fried the CV joint, parts of the air filter, and even the back cover of the RHS taillight!

I'm glad that partly as a result of these repairs, we were able to buy the car for £1,000, and our son Matthew (in photo right) is enjoying every minute he spends restoring it.  You can't see it in the photo, but the baggy surf shorts I'm wearing (that's me on the left) bear the logo "Lost Enterprises"!  ;D

As you can see, accident damage was also part of the deal - put right by fitting a good second hand door, door glass, and rear fender which I got from a friend in exchange for two Pininfarina badges.  Matthew made up a new replica factory heat shield from scratch in aluminium, and I had a factory spec stainless steel exhaust made for £150.  Insurers have now valued the Montecarlo at £3,500 - previously a 'write off'.  IMO, time and money well spent, and a lot of fun too.

Did Mathew get his foot chewed off in the accident?
PS I have a shed full of  "what were they thinking of" contributions most of which are all my own work. Just need to get the camera out.Watch this space!
                                    Ben

Ben, it was the previous owner had the accident before we bought it - shows how strong a Monte is!

Looking fwd to your contributions.

Alan Cooper just sent me this OMG  :o What horrors to impose on a poor unsuspecting Dedra. ::)
Brian

Ah - not so neat...

In terms of what to cheer and what to boo the ones where its done behind the customer's back are obvious boo-hiss.  The ones to cheer the mechanic has had his arm twisted by the customer to show some creativity to keep it going, or a repair "on the road", and all the better if its part of a competitive event be it a rally or a race paddock.  The very best of them its in a nasty bit of runoff area at LeMans.

I wish I could remember some of the David Piper Porsche 917 stories...  By the time HE'D give up on them they was nothing left but bits of beer can, string, and gaffer taper.  Then again you'd have to be crazy to get into a new one of those let alone one with 10yrs of bodge over bodge over bodge and I'm talking lashing the crankcase with fence wire type stuff.

David

A tragedy. :'(

Now just HOW was that Dedra's door hinge repaired?   

David

Long, long ago, John Maltby dropped a valve on his Lambda (a fairly common occurrence in those days).  It went through the piston.  He dropped the sump, took off the head and removed the piston and rod.  He then wrapped the big-end in leather secured with a Jubilee clip, put it all back together and drove home on three cylinders.  They were giants in those days...

I remember that, but can't find the photo I took of him "repairing" the Lambda. He had to drive home from the VSCC Welsh Trial - quite a drive. Years before that, he and I drove NGP 50, the Farina bodied Aprilia, back from Weymouth at the dead of night without any brakes apart from the (extremely feeble) handbrake. These days, most of us have RAC recovery or similar, but I did once drive back from the Wessex trial in the 30-98 Vauxhall without the clutch disengaging, rather than use them. We had to find a way back with minimum number of trafic lights, etc.
Regards, John

Even with RAC recovery cover there's motivation to keep going to a good place to have the break down so the art isn't entirely lost. 

Of course its human nature to replace one lost challange with another hence the rise in popularity of long distance classic car / modern banger rallies.

David

Following on the theme of improvised repairs. At a Crystal Palace sprint meeting about ten years ago there was a very flimsy but quick Austin Seven Special. After one run the driver opened the bonnet to see that the belt connecting front pulley to a light-weight plastic fan was missing. He took the thin leather shoe lace from one of his shoes tied a neat knot and fitted it in place – looked odd, but it worked. I think the man’s name was David Laver.

Colin

At Cadwell Park the scruitneer didn't like the leather gaiters sealing round the peddles inspite of several others having passed it before.  Some aluminium was "found" (I think it said CASTROL on the other side) and he realised he was going to have to pass the result of that half hour or I'd be back again and again and again.  He didn't like the mudguard stays either but we settled on having them removed and still run as a sports car as long as I promised not to win anything - and as I've said before I'm blessed that that's not my concern but am content to "make up the numbers".

David

Okay, when we were young...

Here's one of Jonathan Reeve keeping his spider going during the first Lancia Centenary in 1981.  It had a cylinder head gasket leak and for 2 days at least, at every stop he pumped the water out the cylinder by cranking the engine by hand.

(That's Kent Wakeford's Casaro spider in the background.)

So, what to do when your Appia’s windscreen demister air duct is facing the wrong direction – away from the heater pipes? (Strictly a matter of [misguided] opinion, you understand.  Could this be the handywork of someone at Pininfarina, Viotti or Ellesa perhaps?)

Well, just weld up the existing inlet, and add a new flange on, and then drill some holes to let the air through – of course!

I still have no idea what was wrong with Lancia’s original invention in the first place, and have returned it to spec…

What a lash up :o

Brian
8227 8)

When I bought my silver Gamma saloon (now Harvey's) the O/S/R electric window didn't work. Not unsurprising, but all the other electric windows worked with a gusto i had never previously experienced on Gamma. So, I set too.

Wiring into the centre console was ok, but when I took the switch out of the OSR door, there were no wires attached. "Ahh" thinks I. "Wires dropped off switch - simples". So I took the door card off. Then the problem wa revealed in all its glory.

Not only were there no wires onto the switch, but there was no regulator or motor in the door and the window was held in the "up" position courtesy of a brick and a length of wood. Thankfully, as one does, I had a spare Gamma OSR regulator and motor in the garage!

Andy

When I bought my Beta 2000ie many years ago it wasn't that old a car. After some weeks the drivers seat became a bit uncomfortable. Looking under the seat I found a piece of 2x4 timber. If this was removed and you sat in the seat you found yourself pretty much on the floor. I got used to it after that and the wood was still there when I sold the car a couple of years later!

With the Aurelia the seats were mounted to wooden blocks then the floor.  Having the machinery I was able to adjust said blocks and get the seat JUST right before getting the original seat mounts replaced, reinforced, modifed to take Fulvia seats, then adaptors to the racing buckets to swap in and out. 

One of my regrets with that car was never having a try with the original bench back in...  Its amazing how much of the character of a car comes from the seat and its position.

David

Andy, I did the same with my Thema's one window while I was fixing the winder mechanism - held it up with a chunk of wood for a week or two!   ;D

A time honoured method, old Austin 10 I had as a teenager had this a a permanent method of controlling opening the window with wedge.
Just as well the photos not in coloour as it was hand pinted in Lilac and Black!

Brian
8227 8)

I've seen some horrible battery trays and boxes in my time, but this has to take first prize.

Once again it's from our black Montecarlo, and is shown AFTER scraping away a coffee mug full of sulphate crystals.

Note too the wonderfully dodgy add-on headlamp relay, all because the electrics weren't properly earthed.  ???